Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
