I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize