dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I cut my penus on the lid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
