I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
