It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
