If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
