just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
