I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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