If that was your dad, he is hot
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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