and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
