I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
