I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm passing your future prison.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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