He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
