At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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