I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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