Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think your dad took our porno
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
