tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
