Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's official drugs can't kill me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
