Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
