hell yes lets make some ravioli
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
