nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
