If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just threw up on my dentist
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
