Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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