I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
