to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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