never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i think i just lost a toe
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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