Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
