Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
