3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
