Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
