Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
