yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
