Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
