I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
