Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
