Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
