Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
