Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
