So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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