I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i came on her dog
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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