Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
