Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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