how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
