You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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