eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
