I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
