now i know why i became what i already was.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
