Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
