Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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