somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
