At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize