Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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