I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
pop tarts are not kleenex
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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