if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
