Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
