; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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