oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I want to fling myself into the sun
COCAINE IS GR8
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