Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
