I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
