doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
