I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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