he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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