I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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