help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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