I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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