i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
