her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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