Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
