okay pat passed out under dana's car
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
