I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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