Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
