I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
