i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
