Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
