Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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